shatteredlenses | LifeAfter Inbox

[Ignis tilts his head curiously, settling at Ardyn's side. It still strikes him as strange to see the redhead like this, but then again, it's probably strange to Ardyn to see him at seventeen years old.]

You know I always have time for you. I take it you've remembered something else?

[Though, from the way he says it, it may be that Ardyn remembered this particular fact a while back and has had to work up to telling Ignis about it. He wonders what kind of horrific memory it will be this time.]

...I remembered a while back. But I kept it from you--selfishly, perhaps. Because I knew you would be furious with me to know one part, and hurt to know the rest.

[Ignis frowns slightly, taking a deep breath as he does. That doesn't sound particularly promising. Not that talking about these memories has ever been easy.]

Even if I am, you know I'm not going to go anywhere, right?

If you insist, though I'll scarcely blame you should this prove the limits of your patience. But even so...no more lies, no more secrets. Not from you.

[He poured them both a drink, picking up one of the makeshift glasses with a distant expression.]

...The truth is I returned to Insomnia just once before it fell, some years after I was let out of Angelgard. I'd presume you far too young to remember, and I might also presume it was kept as quiet as a sudden cataclysm could be. I took the guise of a soldier and destroyed everything in sight with Ifrit.

My goal was twofold; to end the Lucian line and to exchange a few words with my brother. But by day's end, I only accomplished one of these.

[Ignis takes the other 'glass' listening carefully as he always does when Ardyn shares these dark memories that have returned to him, and dark this is, but at the same time it is not completely unexpected. In fact, the realization that he should have known even with the cover-ups, strikes Ignis so hard he blinks, lowering the glass with a soft huff.]

Of course, it was you who overshadowed the joy of my birth a few months before. How could it have been anyone else?

[It's probably not the reaction that Ardyn is expecting, but as so often is the case, Ignis uses the joke to give himself time to sort out his own feelings on what he's just been told. Ardyn's always been the man who tried to kill Noctis, the man whose fate was so tightly tied to his friend's. Does it change much to know that once Ardyn tried to kill King Regis in a time bef-

Wait.]

You didn't know, did you? That only the Chosen King could give you the end you sought. If you had succeeded in killing his majesty then...

I didn't know anything. Nothing but what I knew to have happened and what little history said of me, with only so much ability to put the pieces together. When I first came to stay in Niflheim I had no real concept of what I'd even done wrong in the first place, much less what to do about it.

[When he wasn't snapped at or pushed away, Ardyn leaned lightly on Ignis' shoulder.]

But by the time I came to Insomnia then, it didn't matter. I just wanted to destroy everything he created. I wanted answers, at the very least. But even summoned from the Old Wall, my brother wouldn't dare offer anything quite so helpful. Frustrated as I was, I turned around to kill Regis and be done with it, then-...

[Ardyn trailed off, taking a drink with something very tired and distant in blue eyes.]

That's how I came to learn the truth. Bahamut himself descended and told me in no uncertain terms exactly what my purpose was. 'The limitless darkness to usher in the light', he said. Naught but a sacrifice for the true Chosen King yet to be, and everything I did...it was all for nothing, because that had been my fate even as far back as the inception of the kingdom itself.

[The last thing Ardyn needs to worry about is being snapped at or pushed away. In fact, when he leans into Ignis, the advisor slides his free arm around the redhead's waist, pulling him closer. He then, surprisingly enough, downs the entire cup of alcohol he has as if he wishes to use it as an excuse for the harsh words that come next.]

That is complete bullshit! If that was your purpose from the beginning then why did he sacrifice so many and make you suffer for so long? There were other ways this could have been done. Bahamut is an Astral, perhaps the strongest of them all. There were other ways! Did he even once consider talking to you before things went so wrong? Asking you to assist him in helping those who you wished to help with all of your heart? Why did he feel it necessary to tear you to pieces so thoroughly that all you knew was pain and hate?

...I don't know. There are things I understand and yet more I don't; I know I was the one initially chosen to be king, and yet so too do I know what my role became. I have no way of knowing if something changed, if Aera was lied to herself or if she and Somnus alike both chose to play into their gods-given roles and sacrifice me to do it.

[He shook his head, sinking against Ignis in exhausted resignation.]

I refused it, at first. The last thing I wanted was to be little more than a tool of the gods to do whatever they wished. I knew it wasn't fair by any stretch of the imagination, but as it turns out the Draconian didn't exactly need permission.

[Ardyn repressed a shudder, draining his own makeshift glass in the brief silence that followed.]

...I might estimate the Lucii's price on par with what he did to his disobedient chess piece. I can't imagine any other pain so far beyond human comprehension.

[Between the way Ardyn sinks against him, his words, that repressed shudder, and his own memories of just how much pain Ardyn speaks of, Ignis finds his words failing him. Instead of attempting to use them anyway, he all but tosses away his empty cup and wraps his other arm around Ardyn, pulling him into a tight hug. When he does finally speak again, his voice is soft, but full of conviction.]

Just remember you are a tool no longer, beloved. We will find a way to make Bahamut feel the pain he has caused you and those around you tenfold; he will come to regret his choice of chess pieces long before it all ends.

You're wrong.

[Ardyn's voice cracked, and he turned to hug Ignis tightly.]

'The fate bestowed upon a man can not be changed', he said. 'Defy thy destiny if thou dare, but know that it would grant thee a life of darkness unending, devoid of death's reprieve'. I can't-...there is no fighting this.

[A pained-sounding hitched breath, Ardyn's fingers curling tight in Ignis' shirt and face buried against his shoulder. Clinging to him like Ignis was all he had in the world, his last hope in endless centuries of utter hopelessness.]

I don't want him to hurt you the same way, neither can I stand the thought of having you taken from me as well. And I haven't the strength to live like this for yet more endless centuries. Defying fate was...only ever a fantasy, Ignis. A beautiful one that I wanted with whatever heart I possess to believe in. But it--it was never--

[His voice shook with something agonized and hopeless, shoulders trembling with another hitched and half-repressed sob.]

...It was ever...only a dream. I beg of you, do not condemn me to this wretched agony called existence for all time, and do not risk the wrath of the Draconian brought upon yourself. Death is more merciful by a thousandfold than what he would do to all of us if he were faced with defiance.

[As Ardyn fights to get his words out, Ignis holds him silently, rocking him slightly and eventually letting one of his hands thread its way into the redhead's messy hair. The request and the fears behind it don't surprise him. They are all very human reactions from a hurt man who is unused to being so very human, more human even than he was on Monsun, however as much as he wants to do everything he can to comfort Ardyn, this request is not one he can grant him.]

I'm not wrong.

[His voice is every bit as confident as it is soft. He is steady and unwilling to be moved on this.]

Pryna showed me Noctis' fate for a reason and I choose to believe that reason was because she felt I could change his fate either through my own actions or through influencing another's actions. If I can change one fate, I can change another and now that we stand outside of Bahamut's influence, I feel there is even more chance for success. This is not the time to give up the fight, beloved.

[Ignis leans back only far enough to attempt to find Ardyn's gaze, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead afterward.]

I swore to you before I wouldn't stop until you found your rest and that has not changed. You will not be cursed to live in this darkness forever. I won't allow it.

...

[Ardyn quickly wiped at his eyes with a gloved hand--he hated knowing anyone had seen him upset or in pain, even as a human.]

We may be outside of his influence now, but what happens when we should return? What happens when he finds out that his carefully laid plan is being rebelled against?

...I remain a decade in your future, Ignis. Would we even be able to return together?

We gather power and we plan for just such eventualities so that we don't go into them blind.

[For once, there is no self-deprecating joke in Ignis' word choice. He is completely serious. Plans change all the time, at the drop of a hat, but they can still give direction even when they change.]

I could give you the answers you want to hear to those questions, but the truth is, I don't know. However, if we can discover and take control of the power that brings us here and sends us away, then I see no reason why we cannot return together. We merely need to choose when we wish to return to.

And then we'll have two of me to deal with. That, and I still have to die to see the darkness banished. Your world can't survive so long as Adagium exists within it.

That is what he insists. There is nothing that proves that is the only way.

[His voice drops and becomes slightly pleading.]

Please, stop calling yourself that. That's not who you are. Titles are only words and nothing more. The only power they have is that which you give them.

That's all I am when it counts. I'm corrupted, you and I both know this. A threat to the world just by standing upon it, precisely as Bahamut told me to be.

...I can't change what I was made into. All I am is destruction.

Destruction doesn't have to be a purely negative force, beloved. Forests burn all the time and then spring back to life, healthier and stronger than before. Many myths speak of heroes and countries brought to their knees by destructive forces only to rise again with enough skill to flourish when they could not before. Destruction can be an end, but it is also a beginning. While you lead others to that beginning, do not forget to find it for yourself as well even if that beginning is no more than finally finding a place where you can rest.

That’s a lot of pretty words just to say I ruined everything, my dear. You needn’t dress it up in such metaphor.

[Ignis sighs.]

It's not metaphor if it's true. I just...don't want you to always think so poorly of yourself.

I fail to see how speaking the truth is thinking poorly.

You are viewing it from only one angle and not allowing yourself to see the full picture. That is how.

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