shatteredlenses | LifeAfter Inbox

"Feelings are difficult." They really were, the swirling emotions that threatened to drag him down, towering rage, fear that choaked him. But also hope and love. They were just as capable as overwhelming him as more negative emotions.

"I feel like I have been learning to acknowledge and understand my feelings since I left my city." In West Town, in the Tower, here. "The Tower was... there wasn't much time where we weren't... But I found Aster and Reno. It was a bad place but there was love there and friendship. We wouldn't have survived if we hadn't formed bonds between us."

And here? Sometimes Shion felt like he was going backwards. He had lost control more times than he should have. His emotions were... difficult. Especially when they came to love, romantic love. It was familliar but so different than the love he felt for Aster, his mum, Reno. So much more complicated.

"Would... if you could see all your futures, of all the possible worlds. If you knew that you would be left..." He shook his head, his words weren't... He wasn't making much sense.

Ignis can't help but chuckle at that, "I've never heard a more true statement. Emotions are extremely difficult, even for those who have been free to learn theirs all of their lives. Intense situations bring out both the good and the bad in people. If the bonds that form during those times can survive both things, then you know they are of the strongest kind."

After losing his vision, Ignis' own bonds with Prompto grew stronger--at least, that's what he's been told--and he doesn't doubt this since his bonds with Prompto have grown stronger on the island as well. There isn't a much more intense situation than losing one's vision and Ignis is quite certain it brought out his worst qualities along with his best.

Shion's unfinished question leaves Ignis puzzled, his head tilting slightly as he tries to figure out what he means. Eventually, he has to shake his head, "Please, take your time and try to explain your question. I'm afraid I'm not sure what you're trying to ask."

Aside from it having to do with seeing the future, that is, and that is something that always causes a knot of dread to tighten in his stomach.

No sense at all. Shion blushed and was silent for a moment as they approached the temple and the garden there. "It's alright. It's just silly anyways..." He shook his head, it was difficult to put his thoughts into words. He wasn't even really sure what his thoughts were.

"We're at the garden now, do you know if Soma had any other friends who aren't here anymore? We could put his tree near their markers."

He's looking around for a good place to put a tree, somewhere it would get pleanty of light and be able to grow upwards.

"No question is silly. If you need more time to think on it, that's fine, but I hope you will ask me it once you have figured out how you want to say it." As much as talk of seeing the future makes him feel dread, if Shion feels the need to speak of doing the same, Ignis is probably one of the better qualified people to talk to about it.

Ignis frowns slightly when Shion asks about Soma's other friends. Aside from Ardyn and himself, Soma hadn't really interacted with that many people... Wait, there was someone else.

"Has a marker been set up for Asch? I'm not sure how close they were, but the group of us worked together sometimes. Me, Asch, Soma, Ardyn. Especially while we were on Monsun."

"Asch was the first." Shion's voice was soft and he led Ignis over to where the marker for his friend was.

"Me and Aster knew an Asch... not this one. An Asch from a different world. He was in the tower and was close to Aster and Reno. I knew him well also. When we came here..." He smiled sadly.

"We are used to meeting people who look like people we know but are from other worlds but still it was... comforting to be near someone we recognised. Asch... this Asch was friendly despite the fact it must have been strange for him. When he disappeared..." Shion shook his head.

"I didn't know this Asch as well as I knew Asch in the tower but being remembered was important for him. It's a basket with red flowers, and sea shells spelling out his name. We can plant Soma's tree next to it."

"An Asch from a different world."

It's so strange to talk about there being different versions of people out there, but it's not something Ignis can deny must be. After all, as much as he would like to believe every version of Noctis gets pulled from his death to go into space like the once who is currently with them did, that doesn't feel like it's the right answer. Logic argues it would be simpler if it were, but he also knows that simpler isn't necessarily the answer.

He stops walking a moment to rub his nose, but before he can start walking again, Shion is explaining about the care that was put into making a memorial for Asch and he almost can't handle it. His hand drops to cover his mouth as as he blinks back tears. Once he's mostly pulled himself back together, he nods and speaks in a slightly shaky voice.

"T-that will be perfect. I think he'd like it very much."

And Ignis knows he likes the idea very much too. Now, he will be able to visit both of them at the same time and neither has any chance of being forgotten.

Shion realises that Ignis has stopped and looks around to see Ignis struggling with tears. He waits a moment, letting Ignis compose himself and then steps towards him, reaching out to take his hand and squeeze it.

"I think he would, I hope so..." Jaune had been disturbed that there was a memorial for a him that wasn't him. He had told Shion that he wouldn't want to be remembered. But remembering wasn't just got the one who had gone, it was for the ones who had been left behind as well.

Hopefully making this memorial would help Ignis understand how he felt for his friend and come to terms with him being gone.

He led Ignis over to where he had left a pile of coconut shells, baskets and sea shells.

"We can probably plant the seed directly into the ground, but we probably want to make a marker of some kind as well..."

Despite the fact that it hurts now, this will be deeply cathartic later. It may takes Ignis a while to realize just how much it is so, but it will help and he will be glad he did it.

He lets Shion lead him to the supplies, thinking about what he would like to do for the marker. It could be something different--something to make this uniquely Soma--but the apricot tree will do that already. Some things don't need to be improved upon, and he has come to like sea shells a great deal. He still carries the one Luna gave him when they first arrived almost a year ago. Thanks to her and Aster, the shells have become tied to both comfort and memory in his mind. There really is nothing else he can think of that would be better to use for the marker.

"There are more shells, yes? I think spelling his name with those will work."

"There are." Shion found the basket of sea shells and moved it over so that it was within Ignis' reach.

"Do you want to just spell his name on the ground in front of the tree, or make a bowl with the shell name in?"

"I'm...not certain," Ignis falls quiet for a few moments considering the options. As he thinks, he pulls a shell from the bowl and runs his fingers across the smooth surface almost like one might run their fingers over a worry stone. Finally, he nods his head.

"It will be more difficult, but I think I would prefer to do a bowl if we can."

There are so many reasons why, some he can't even put into words completely, but thankfully he doesn't have to. He just knows it's the right choice, and for once, that is enough.

"I'll get a bowl ready if you pick out some shells." He went over to where the bowls were stacked and picked one up, checking to make sure it didn't have any cracks or holes in it.

Filling it was simple and soon he had returned to Ignis' side, he put the bowl down in front of Ignis. "Here you do, have you chosen some shells?"

"A few," Ignis knows he needs more, but he also knows how many and what sizes depends on the size of the bowl. When Shion passes the bowl to him, he runs his hands over it so he can map its dimensions out in his head and then he returns to pull a few more shells from the other bowl.

"I'm rather glad his name is short. It will be a little easier to make it look nice then--clear and easy to read from a distance."

"The short names are easier. For some of the longer names I had to just do their first letter. Otherwise it looked too cramped and messy."

Not that some of them didn't look messy anyways, he's trying his best but art and such things are really difficult.

He sat down opposite Ignis, the bowl inbetween them. "Do you need help or can you manage?"

He asks quite casually, Ignis is a thousand times more competent than Shion in almost everything they do. But he's aware that there are some things that he finds difficult and if he had to guess, spelling out words in sand with sea shells would probably be one of them.

Edited 2018-07-20 22:30 (UTC)

Honestly, no matter how talented a person is in arts and crafts, a long name will be a lot harder to fit in neatly than a short one. There is only so small one can go using shells as a writing medium.

"I would like to try on my own first, if I may," Ignis knows there is a good chance it will turn out badly considering how poorly his few attempts at writing since losing his vision have gone, but it's for Soma and he needs to try. He starts by using shells to mark the top and bottom of the 'S' and then builds the rest of the letter from there. In some ways, this is easier than writing with chalk on stone. There are more tactile indicators to help keep him from losing his place.

After a few minutes, he has the 'S" done and he turns his head toward Shion, "All right. How does that look? Does it need any adjustments?"

Shion lets him work on the lettering as he goes over to the spot that was probably best for the tree. The ground wasn't too hard but it still took a few moments for him to break through the top level of soil and begin digging a hole for the seeds to be sewn.

He looks back when Ignis speaks and returns to inspect the S.

"It looks good, I don't think it needs adjusting at all." Shell writing it seemed was an easier way to write without sight. If Shion had thought about it he might have figured that earlier, it was much more tactile, you could physically feel the letters.

A look of relief crosses Ignis' face when he hears that. The 'o' and the 'a' will probably be the most difficult letters, but getting one done right is a boost his pride really needs.

"Good to hear. Thank you," he starts to lay out the 'o' but then pauses to turn his head toward where Shion's been working, "Are you ready for the seeds? I have them right here."

"Almost, I think it is deep enough now." And ready for the seads. He just hoped it worked. It would take quite a while for a tree to grow anyways but at least until then they had the marker that Ignis was making.

"Do you want to plant them? Or should I?" Shion is happy to do so, but this is for Ignis' friend. A way for Ignis to remember him and honour that memory. It might be that Ignis will feel better if he is the one who plants the seeds and starts the tree's life.

Ignis' coffee plants grew a lot faster than they should have, so he can't help but wonder if that will apply to these seeds as well. Of course, the only way to find out is to plant them and then see what happens.

"I would like to if you don't mind," Ignis has finished the 'm' at this point, the work going a little faster now that he has more confidence in himself. The troublesome 'a' can wait until after the seeds are planted, though. The bowl is carefully set to the side and then Ignis makes his way over to Shion, seeds in hand.

"If you can guide my hand to the hole, I would appreciate it."

"Of course." Shion waited for him to make his way over. As much as the memorial was for Soma the real benifit was for Ignis, his friend. Hopefully Soma was safe somewhere. It was unlikely. Shion had no idea where those that disappeared went. He had heard they went home. That might be true. After all those that disappeared from the Tower went home, they went home to a world that was dead, devoid of any life.

The Story Teller said their worlds were frozen and perhaps they remained so. Those that disappeared just entered a state of suspended animation.

It was worrying but better than wandering a dead world. He reached out for Ignis' hand and slowly guided him to the hole that he had dug.

Ignis lets his hand be guided, dropping the seeds in an evenly spaced pattern; he hopes it's evenly spaced anyway. It's hard to tell without being able to see where each seed lands. Once he's done, he gives Shion a grateful smile, only to pause as he senses a heaviness in the boy's silence.

"Is something bothering you? I've been doing all the talking, but you know I will listen as well."

They were even enough, when Ignis had dropped the final seed Shion directed his hands over to where the soil was so he could fill in the hole.

"I know..." That had been the promise after all, that they would listen to each other and talk to each other when they needed to. It was just... Hard to get out of his head. So many things that it's hard to pin point issues to actually talk about.

"I'm worried about Aster mostly. She's... not doing well since the bliss attack and I'm not sure... I don't know how to help her and I'm her brother, helping her is what I'm meant to do..."

While he listens to Shion explain his worries for Aster, Ignis slowly begins moving dirt back into the hole. Honestly, he wishes he could be surprised that she is one of Shion's main worries, but he's not. How can he be when he's noticed her absence and been worried himself?

"Sometimes the only thing we can do is make sure we are there for those we care about even when it doesn't feel like it's enough," Ignis pauses his actions for a moment, frowning. Of course, he doesn't like the idea anymore than Shion is libel to.

"Has she mentioned what happened with Bliss that's making her feel like she needs to stay solitary?"

Shion nodded, he understood that well. Not being enough. Not being able to do enough to help because problems were far too large, far too all encompasing for him to do anything about.

"Her world was... I went there, I was the one that broke it..." Grief and heartbreak the Story Teller had told them was needed to shatter the dreams and Shion and Aster shared a lot of that.

"It was... It wasn't a world where nothing had ever gone wrong." Not like Ceej's. In many ways as painful as it had been breaking Ceej's dream it had been simple, it had just required reality. Harsh truth. "It was a world where all the bad things... they had happened but now she was somewhere safe with all her friends... Reno... everyone."

Ignis was Aster's friend too and though Shion wouldn't give all the details, they were private to Aster after all giving him the basics would hopefully let Ignis understand.

"She was stuck there for a while... I broke out easily but she... It's really similar to some of the things that happened in the Tower... Used our minds against us."

Awfully similar, though it had been happiness rather than fear or pain it had still hurt them in the end. "I... I think she feels she shouldn't have been tricked so easily. She's angry but she's also upset at herself..."

"Oh..."

As Shion speaks, Ignis stops working completely, brushing the dirt from his hands and then holding one out in Shion's direction, not just for the usual pat or squeeze on the arm, but in offer of a hug. If Shion looks close enough, he might notice the hand is shaking a little.

"I...had to do the same for Ardyn and Prompto. Neither of them wanted to leave. Both of them wanted me to just let things go and..." Ignis presses his lips into a tight line as he violently pushes back the memory of Prompto's tears and Ardyn's pleas. He hadn't set out to save them, merely had fallen asleep due to exhaustion and been pulled in. Still, the net result had been the same, "Their worlds were perfect ones, though. Everything they always wanted or deserved and no pain or betrayal. I think I left part of my heart in each of them."

Ardyn's had been especially hard since they were together and happy and there was just so much that should have been. It was right where the Astrals and fate had made everything wrong in reality.

"I can't blame her for wanting to withdraw then. The dreams themselves were bad enough, but to have had similar experiences in that horrible place you came from had to have made it so much worse."

Shion moved closer, stepping into Ignis' arm and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. He could feel Ignis shaking and he blinked hard to stop his tears from spilling.

It was cruel. The dreams dangling their hopes in front of them. Holding their desires hostage. He agreed with Ignis, part of his heart had been left in both Aster and Ceej's dreams.

"Not knowing what's true... Being fooled. I think she feels she should have realised, but it's so hard. She wanted to believe it... That made it harder."

Prompto had been caught to. And Ardyn. Shion didn't know the latter well at all except that Ignis loved him and that told him much of what he needed to know. Prompto though, he knew Prom and knew he probably would take such a thhing as hard as Aster did.

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