shatteredlenses | LifeAfter Inbox

It's a clear sign of how deep inside his head Ignis is--and how much trouble he's having sorting out his thoughts--that he doesn't really realize he's repeating some things he's told Shion before. He's repeating things, and he hasn't even gotten into the whole mess that is Gladio and Ardyn, but maybe he doesn't need to. Maybe it is better for this time to just be about Soma so that he can move on and focus on what he still has instead of what he's lost.

Ignis returns the squeeze on his hand and then speaks softly, "I would like that. He enjoyed cooking as much as I do, perhaps even more. One of the last things we did together was find the grove of apricot trees on Ziziphus. Maybe we can create a marker from that?"

Though he doesn't comment on Shion's words of comfort--he's still alive out there and he knows, he must--Ignis takes them to heart. They are words he would say if their situations were reversed and so he doesn't really feel as if he needs to discuss it. He understands and that is good enough.

"You will help me? I'm afraid I won't be able to put together something worthy of him on my own."

"Of course I'll help... I'm not... I'm not good at making things but I'll help." It was important. So far he had made them for the others on the list, even though his work wasn't very good, it was something he was still improving on, hopefully one day they would be memorials worthy of those they sought to remember.

"Apricot trees sound like a good place to start, did you bring any of the trees back with you?" Perhaps they could take a cutting, plant one as a memorial. That was quite ambitious but it was worth it, to help Ignis remember his friend.

He senses that Ignis still has more to talk about, but that's fine. It might be easier to talk really, if they are both working on something. Less awkward that way.

Ignis laughs softly, patting the top of Shion's hand, "Bad at making things or not, you will do better than me when it comes to many of those things. Like anything involving writing, for example."

There is a moment of silence as Ignis realizes where Shion's question is likely going and wonders why he didn't think of it himself, "I brought as many of the trees back as I could and I've been saving the pits of the fruit I've used."

He hated having to leave any of the trees on the island as it crumbled, but there was no way they could have moved the older and more established ones. They wouldn't have survived.

"I think Soma would love having a tree planted in his honor."

And perhaps as they work on plans for the rest of the memorial, Ignis will relax enough to start speaking about the other things on his mind.

"Oh we can plant one from the pits." He smiled, a tree would be a good memorial. Especially if Soma had been one of the people to discover the apricot trees in the first place.

"Do you want to get a couple and we can go over to the temple." He had left some basic supplies, coconut shells and sea shells mostly over at the garden so people could create their own memorials.

He stood up, running through what he knew of apricots. The seads were stored in the pit and so they would have to crack them open. Apart from that they could probably just plant it and hope for the best, apricots grew best in warm conditions and the islands were definitely warm.

"Are you certain you have time?" Of course, Ignis knows the answer to that question almost before it leaves his mouth since Shion is already standing. He follows suit, brushing the dust from the floor off his pants before continuing, "I've already removed the seeds from some of the pits. It seemed like the logical thing to do aside from keeping them dry and in a dark place. I'm afraid I don't know a whole lot about raising fruit trees beyond that."

Coffee. He knows about raising coffee, but fruit trees are a far cry from coffee plants.

"Give me just a moment and we can head over," Ignis disappears behind one of the partially made walls, returning a few moments later with one of his pouches and a few digging 'tools' in hand. "Shall we?"

If he had already removed the seeds then that was the first stage done already. It was good to know that Ignis knew at least a little of what to do.

"I know the theory at least." But he had never actually planted things before now, he wasn't finding it too difficult but a lot of it was trial and error, especially since they were limited on resources and tools.

He waited for Ignis to return and then turned to leave the hut. He didn't even answer Ignis question about time, of course he had time to help Ignis with this.

As they walked towards the mana pool he tilted his head at Ignis. "Do you really think love is a selfish thing?"

It was what he had said, but it seemed strange to Shion that love could be seen as negative.

Pouch settled around his waist and digging implements in hand, Ignis follows behind Shion as they head toward the mana pool. His footsteps falter slightly, though, when he asks his question.

"I suppose it sounds foolish when you say it like that," he presses his lips together for a moment in thought, footsteps smoothing again. "I used to think anything that pulled my attention away from my duty was selfish. I told the king I would take care of and guide Noctis when I was six. I swore it again later when I was much older and the king asked not as the king, but as a father. Noctis is like a brother to me; a brother with a heavy fate not of his choosing weighing on his shoulders. How could I give anything less than everything to him?"

"My views on that changed thanks to Soma, as we discussed. I'm still trying to sort it all out, but I'm pretty sure I had it all backwards. As intelligent as I am and as much as I've had the opportunity to learn, emotions still boggle me."

"Not foolish." It was a murmer, he hadn't meant to suggest that he was critising Ignis at all. He listened though, he couldn't imagine having a duty so all encompasing. To swear such an oath when he was only six. That was a very selfless act.

When Shion had been six he had been in the special program four years, already learning. Already an elite and ignoring the suffering of others.

"Emotions are complicated..." That was an understatement. "But they... Where I come from love wasn't considered...

Emotions are just electrical signals in the mind. Nothing more than that. Certain stimuli trigger certain reactions and that is all there is to it. People were encouraged to procreate, the government didn't care if it was in a lab or by having sex. They didn't even discourage families. But love was... it's not logical or scientiic. Even love for your family was not encourged. Romantic love..." He shook his head.

"It's part of being human I think."

"It can't be controlled. That is why there are those who would discourage it completely," Ignis pauses a moment as something clicks together in his mind. "Your home... They wanted to use you like tools, and they needed to be able to control you as well. Am I right?"

He has to hold back a shiver. While he still doesn't know all the details of what Prompto found out when he was on his own, Shion's description makes him think far too much of all the terrible things that happened in Niflheim. Was it that kind of thinking that lead the Emperor and his men to doing all they did? Ardyn's never been shy about admitting he no longer understands love; he been even more persistent about the fact he can no longer feel it. It's safer that way. More in control.

But, it's empty as well. So very empty.

Shion nodded, before remembering that Ignis couldn't see him nod, "Yes... It was a perfect city. Anything outside of their control was... disappeared."

Killed mostly but not always. Rat was proof of that. Shion was proof of that. They have gotten closer to the mana pool and Shion quickly plucks two flowers, handing one over to Ignis.

Magically transporting pools that used flowers as some kind of energy were on the very long list of things that probably meant they weren't real. They made no sense. But they were useful.

"You love Gladio? And Ardyn?" At the same time? It's a jump backwards in conversation, but Ignis had said so much that talking things through piece by piece was the best way to unpack everything Ignis had said.

"Disappeared," Ignis repeats the word with a disgusted tone. It doesn't take a genius to know what that really means. He's about to comment on that when Shion abruptly pulls the topic of conversation away from himself and back to Ignis. Honestly, Ignis is a little disappointed by this as he would like to know more about his friend's background--bad as it may be. Maybe they can get back to it later.

He takes the flower offered to him, and once they have both arrived on the other side of the mana pool, answers Shion's question.

"I do. Ardyn was unplanned, a difficult journey that may grow even more so before ultimately ending in sadness, but that doesn't change how I feel about him. Gladio..." Ignis trails off for a moment before laughing softly. "Gladio I think I may have loved most of my life and just didn't realize it. We are two parts of a set. I will admit, this is likely by design. We balance each other's flaws and make each other stronger. A relationship that is most certainly beneficial to the one we serve."

"I think what wasn't planned was just how deep the bond goes. How strong and lasting it is. At least," for just a moment Ignis looks a little guilty, "when we are communicating. Gladio tells me that didn't happen during the darkness and I ended up hurting him a great deal. I can only hope that what I give to him now helps to heal some of those wounds."

So he did. That was... Shion hadn't known it possible, but he was the first to admit that he knew very little about love.

After all he could love many people and consider them family so perhaps romantic love could be bigger than for just one person.

Ardyn was a love that would ultimately end in sadness, but that didn't change how he felt. Shion understood that, very well.

But during the darkness? The way Ignis spoke it sounded like something Gladio knew and Ignis didn't...

"The darkness... Is that something that happened on Gladio's world but not on yours? Or not yet at least..."

"Ah, apologies. It's something that hasn't happened yet. The time Gladio comes from is ten years in the future for me. When you look at those from my world," his voice softens slightly and gains a sad tone, "I'm the farthest in the past. I've learned so much, so much that could save so many lives, and I have no idea if I will ever be able to use any of it."

It's so frustrating. Especially when one of those lives saved could be Noctis'.

He suddenly stops walking and gives Shion a curious look, "Do you think it strange I've fallen in love with two men from so far in my future? They are the people I know from my time, yet they are also not."

He shook his head, he didn't think it was strange at all. Even if Gladio and Ardyn came from a slightly different version of Ignis' world it was not too strange that Ignis loved them.

"You already said that you think you have always loved Gladio, the one from your world and so here... where you... things are different." He still knows very little about Ignis' world. But Ignis had already said that he had seen anything that wasn't helping Noctis as selfish.

Here he could act more freely and so when this Gladio turned up it was not surprising that Ignis had fallen in love.

"Here you can just be... you are able to aknowledge those feelings for them."

"Just being. It's funny. I hardly know what that means, but I'm doing my best to learn," a small smile crosses his face as he starts to walk again. If he's honest, Ignis finds himself enjoying the lessons he needs to learn this. It's true, some of them are painful, but the happy ones make the pain worth it. Especially, if he is able to bring others joy through his learning.

"What about you? Has being here given you time to acknowledge feelings you weren't able to before? That Tower you and Aster have mentioned being at doesn't exactly seem the kind of place to allow you much time to process your thoughts."

"Feelings are difficult." They really were, the swirling emotions that threatened to drag him down, towering rage, fear that choaked him. But also hope and love. They were just as capable as overwhelming him as more negative emotions.

"I feel like I have been learning to acknowledge and understand my feelings since I left my city." In West Town, in the Tower, here. "The Tower was... there wasn't much time where we weren't... But I found Aster and Reno. It was a bad place but there was love there and friendship. We wouldn't have survived if we hadn't formed bonds between us."

And here? Sometimes Shion felt like he was going backwards. He had lost control more times than he should have. His emotions were... difficult. Especially when they came to love, romantic love. It was familliar but so different than the love he felt for Aster, his mum, Reno. So much more complicated.

"Would... if you could see all your futures, of all the possible worlds. If you knew that you would be left..." He shook his head, his words weren't... He wasn't making much sense.

Ignis can't help but chuckle at that, "I've never heard a more true statement. Emotions are extremely difficult, even for those who have been free to learn theirs all of their lives. Intense situations bring out both the good and the bad in people. If the bonds that form during those times can survive both things, then you know they are of the strongest kind."

After losing his vision, Ignis' own bonds with Prompto grew stronger--at least, that's what he's been told--and he doesn't doubt this since his bonds with Prompto have grown stronger on the island as well. There isn't a much more intense situation than losing one's vision and Ignis is quite certain it brought out his worst qualities along with his best.

Shion's unfinished question leaves Ignis puzzled, his head tilting slightly as he tries to figure out what he means. Eventually, he has to shake his head, "Please, take your time and try to explain your question. I'm afraid I'm not sure what you're trying to ask."

Aside from it having to do with seeing the future, that is, and that is something that always causes a knot of dread to tighten in his stomach.

No sense at all. Shion blushed and was silent for a moment as they approached the temple and the garden there. "It's alright. It's just silly anyways..." He shook his head, it was difficult to put his thoughts into words. He wasn't even really sure what his thoughts were.

"We're at the garden now, do you know if Soma had any other friends who aren't here anymore? We could put his tree near their markers."

He's looking around for a good place to put a tree, somewhere it would get pleanty of light and be able to grow upwards.

"No question is silly. If you need more time to think on it, that's fine, but I hope you will ask me it once you have figured out how you want to say it." As much as talk of seeing the future makes him feel dread, if Shion feels the need to speak of doing the same, Ignis is probably one of the better qualified people to talk to about it.

Ignis frowns slightly when Shion asks about Soma's other friends. Aside from Ardyn and himself, Soma hadn't really interacted with that many people... Wait, there was someone else.

"Has a marker been set up for Asch? I'm not sure how close they were, but the group of us worked together sometimes. Me, Asch, Soma, Ardyn. Especially while we were on Monsun."

"Asch was the first." Shion's voice was soft and he led Ignis over to where the marker for his friend was.

"Me and Aster knew an Asch... not this one. An Asch from a different world. He was in the tower and was close to Aster and Reno. I knew him well also. When we came here..." He smiled sadly.

"We are used to meeting people who look like people we know but are from other worlds but still it was... comforting to be near someone we recognised. Asch... this Asch was friendly despite the fact it must have been strange for him. When he disappeared..." Shion shook his head.

"I didn't know this Asch as well as I knew Asch in the tower but being remembered was important for him. It's a basket with red flowers, and sea shells spelling out his name. We can plant Soma's tree next to it."

"An Asch from a different world."

It's so strange to talk about there being different versions of people out there, but it's not something Ignis can deny must be. After all, as much as he would like to believe every version of Noctis gets pulled from his death to go into space like the once who is currently with them did, that doesn't feel like it's the right answer. Logic argues it would be simpler if it were, but he also knows that simpler isn't necessarily the answer.

He stops walking a moment to rub his nose, but before he can start walking again, Shion is explaining about the care that was put into making a memorial for Asch and he almost can't handle it. His hand drops to cover his mouth as as he blinks back tears. Once he's mostly pulled himself back together, he nods and speaks in a slightly shaky voice.

"T-that will be perfect. I think he'd like it very much."

And Ignis knows he likes the idea very much too. Now, he will be able to visit both of them at the same time and neither has any chance of being forgotten.

Shion realises that Ignis has stopped and looks around to see Ignis struggling with tears. He waits a moment, letting Ignis compose himself and then steps towards him, reaching out to take his hand and squeeze it.

"I think he would, I hope so..." Jaune had been disturbed that there was a memorial for a him that wasn't him. He had told Shion that he wouldn't want to be remembered. But remembering wasn't just got the one who had gone, it was for the ones who had been left behind as well.

Hopefully making this memorial would help Ignis understand how he felt for his friend and come to terms with him being gone.

He led Ignis over to where he had left a pile of coconut shells, baskets and sea shells.

"We can probably plant the seed directly into the ground, but we probably want to make a marker of some kind as well..."

Despite the fact that it hurts now, this will be deeply cathartic later. It may takes Ignis a while to realize just how much it is so, but it will help and he will be glad he did it.

He lets Shion lead him to the supplies, thinking about what he would like to do for the marker. It could be something different--something to make this uniquely Soma--but the apricot tree will do that already. Some things don't need to be improved upon, and he has come to like sea shells a great deal. He still carries the one Luna gave him when they first arrived almost a year ago. Thanks to her and Aster, the shells have become tied to both comfort and memory in his mind. There really is nothing else he can think of that would be better to use for the marker.

"There are more shells, yes? I think spelling his name with those will work."

"There are." Shion found the basket of sea shells and moved it over so that it was within Ignis' reach.

"Do you want to just spell his name on the ground in front of the tree, or make a bowl with the shell name in?"

"I'm...not certain," Ignis falls quiet for a few moments considering the options. As he thinks, he pulls a shell from the bowl and runs his fingers across the smooth surface almost like one might run their fingers over a worry stone. Finally, he nods his head.

"It will be more difficult, but I think I would prefer to do a bowl if we can."

There are so many reasons why, some he can't even put into words completely, but thankfully he doesn't have to. He just knows it's the right choice, and for once, that is enough.

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*grins* You went and looked up the same stuff I did! LOL

Re: *grins* You went and looked up the same stuff I did! LOL

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grins You went and looked up the same stuff I did! LOL

Re: grins You went and looked up the same stuff I did! LOL