shatteredlenses | LifeAfter Inbox

He entered and was shocked by how different it looked since the last time he had visited Ignis. When he had asked Gladio to teach him how to fix his shack in return for any meet he could catch with traps he had just been hoping that Gladio was better than he was at such things. It wasn't difficult to be better than Shion was at such things. But this...

"Did Gladio do all of this?" It was impressive. He moved over to where Ignis was sat and handed him one of the bowls.

"I brought some food, blue eggs with mushrooms and garlic, there's a bit of fish in there as well." He knew Ignis was perfectly capable of cooking for himself, but he had brought food for him and Aster enough times that Shion wished to repay the favour.

"He did with a little help from Prompto, Noctis, and myself. Sometimes, I suspect we may have been more trouble than help, but he was kind enough not to grumble too much," Ignis laughs and then sets aside the needles so he can accept the bowl. Once in his hands, he leans over it to take a smell.

"Food I didn't have to cook. It smells marvelous. Thank you, Shion. I can't wait to try it."

Shion smiled at the laughter. It definitely was impressive what had been done so far. He sat next to Ignis when he took the bowl. "I hope you like it. Ceej provided the eggs."

That had been his intent, he knew that Ignis was the person who cooked for everyone so giving him food made by someone else once in a while was important.

"How have you been?"

"Ceej?" Ignis tilts his head curiously at the unfamiliar name, unsure if Shion means one of the other people on the island or if he has, perhaps, named one of his animals that.

Ignis takes another breath to savor the smell of the food and then carefully sets the bowl to the side where it won't be in danger of being spilled. Of course, he realizes a moment too late that with Shion's question, he might have been better off with something in his hands.

"Things have been...difficult, but they're slowly getting better. And you? I don't recall hearing anyone mention you being on Monsun."

"You might know him as Connor." Probably. Shion never had asked Ceej why he seemed to be the only person that he had asked to call him that... He should probably ask, or maybe not... Perhaps it's been too long.

He really has to stop overthinking these things, he focusses on Ignis as he answers his question and frowns. It's pretty much what he was expecting, things had been difficult, he had guessed that from the little he had picked up from Gladio.

"I didn't..." He shook his head, "I didn't think it was a good idea for me to go there. Not for more than the short time it took to drop some of the animals from ziziphus there at least."

He tilted his head at Ignis, "Want to talk about it?"

Connor. Ignis has never properly been introduce to a Connor, but he's heard the name around in the man's presence before and they have had a few interactions, so it doesn't take Ignis long to put two and two together.

"Ah yes, the gentleman who I helped to steal a boat. We've not properly been introduced, but I've seen him around. I didn't realize you were friends with him. He's an...interesting fellow." Yes, 'interesting.' Ignis has never met someone like him before and he has yet to decide if it's a good or bad thing.

"That was wise of you. The mental changes the island cause can creep up very quickly. If you had stayed on the side with the camp, you likely would have been okay, but it's not always that easy. Some people's good traits magnified enough send them to the other side just because they are the kinds who will risk themselves so others don't have to in order to gather needed resources."

Ignis could talk more about some of his own experiences with the island, but he doesn't, instead making himself focus on Shion's question. Oh, there is so much he needs to talk about and he would hate to drop it all on one person, but Mira's return without her memories means the only other person he is really comfortable talking about these kinds of things with is gone.

And, of course, discussing Soma's disappearance from the island with Gladio and Ardyn now would be the worst of ideas. The understanding they came to on Monsun is going to be strained enough now that the island is gone. Ignis can't risk breaking it by talking about the person who actually made him realize it was okay to love alongside his duty.

"I should, yes, but it's a lot. Are you certain you want to deal with it? I don't wish to burden you."

Ignis had helped Connor steal a boat? Shion guessed it had been in Ai'Tuoh, the boat they had used to escape, that Connor had sailed back to Enso. He made a note to introduce them properly at some time. Ceej needed friends and Ignis was very nice.

He wasn't sure if his choice to stay away from Monsun was wisdom or cowardice but he did not regret his decision.

"You're not a burden." He smiled softly, "I don't mind listening to your problems at all, you've helped me a lot." And the very least he could do was the same in return.

"It's better that you talk about things, rather than keeping them inside."

Ignis chuckles a little sheepishly, "Yes, I'm quite familiar with that bit of advice."

Despite that statement, Ignis is quiet a fair bit afterward. His expression is one of concentration, though, not that of a man trying to avoid a topic. Obviously, he's trying to work out the best way to explain a very complicated and emotionally charged topic.

"I'm just not certain where to start. There is so much to cover and most of it is very closely tied to events of my home world. I..." he pauses suddenly, then, as if a whole new approach has suddenly occurred to him.

"Did you ever meet a young man by the name of Soma? He would have been hard to miss as he was even more pale than Ardyn with hair to match."

Shion just smiled softly when Ignis chuckled. Ignis had been one of those who had given him that advice in the past, but Shion knew how much harder it was to follow good advice than to give it.

He sat silently, letting Ignis think. He knew also that it was often difficult to put things into words, to sort through your mind enough that you could explain things to other people.

"I never spoke to him or knew his name, but I've seen him around at Story Tellings and such." He's years from his world and has met people from many places, who all look different, some who aren't human. But white hair still caught his eye.

Ignis however was speaking in past tense. "He's gone?"

Ignis is silent for a moment before answering Shion's question with a short, tight nod of his head. It's almost like saying the answer out loud is still a little too much. It makes things too real, too final.

"When I came here, I was brought from a life changing moment. It was almost immediately after I lost my vision, and it was both easier and harder to hide behind my walls and just focus on duty. I'm sure you've already realized I have a tendency to put just about everything before myself; I was worse back then because I knew no other way. Putting on the ring and sacrificing myself in order to save Noctis was probably the first truly selfish thing I'd done in my life," Ignis bows his head slightly then, fingers lacing together in front of him. "I didn't expect to survive that experience, but if Noctis did, that was all that mattered. He was the important one. Of course, not expecting to survive meant I didn't really think of the consequences. Prompto is from farther along our timeline and he was able to fill me in on those, leaving me not only feeling guilty for that selfish act, but also wondering if I had failed everyone I cared about by giving into that selfish desire."

"I met Soma around then. He had his own problems, but he still reached out to help me. I don't know if I'll ever understand how exactly he got passed my walls, but he made me finally start understanding it was okay to be selfish, to love, and that it wasn't a failure on my part. Without him, I would never have realized how I felt for Gladio or how I've come to feel for Ardyn. He gave me so much and now..."

Now he's gone and Ignis has no way to repay him.

Edited (Typo!) 2018-06-21 21:45 (UTC)

Ignis had sort of told him this before, about how he saw sacrificing himself for Noctis had been as selfish as it had been selfless. That it was something he had done because he had forced all of the burden onto himself. It was in part why they were here talking now. Because Shion had promised to share his burden, if Ignis shared his own in return.

It was good that Ignis had found someone who had helped him, who had gotten through his walls and helped him to understand things. Shion reached out to take Ignis' hand, squeezing it gently. "I'm sure he knows... how much he helped you. I'm sure he understood what that meant because if he was wise enough to... to understand your problems when you were still coming to terms with things... I'm sure..."

He blinked sadly, "Muffet has a list of the lost on the rock... and she helped me make a memorial garden... I can take you there if you want." Probably tomorrow, it was a little late. "If... if you know things that he liked, or a flower or even an image that suited him we can make a marker for him... I know... I know people who leave are alive still and out somewhere... but still remembering is important..."

It's a clear sign of how deep inside his head Ignis is--and how much trouble he's having sorting out his thoughts--that he doesn't really realize he's repeating some things he's told Shion before. He's repeating things, and he hasn't even gotten into the whole mess that is Gladio and Ardyn, but maybe he doesn't need to. Maybe it is better for this time to just be about Soma so that he can move on and focus on what he still has instead of what he's lost.

Ignis returns the squeeze on his hand and then speaks softly, "I would like that. He enjoyed cooking as much as I do, perhaps even more. One of the last things we did together was find the grove of apricot trees on Ziziphus. Maybe we can create a marker from that?"

Though he doesn't comment on Shion's words of comfort--he's still alive out there and he knows, he must--Ignis takes them to heart. They are words he would say if their situations were reversed and so he doesn't really feel as if he needs to discuss it. He understands and that is good enough.

"You will help me? I'm afraid I won't be able to put together something worthy of him on my own."

"Of course I'll help... I'm not... I'm not good at making things but I'll help." It was important. So far he had made them for the others on the list, even though his work wasn't very good, it was something he was still improving on, hopefully one day they would be memorials worthy of those they sought to remember.

"Apricot trees sound like a good place to start, did you bring any of the trees back with you?" Perhaps they could take a cutting, plant one as a memorial. That was quite ambitious but it was worth it, to help Ignis remember his friend.

He senses that Ignis still has more to talk about, but that's fine. It might be easier to talk really, if they are both working on something. Less awkward that way.

Ignis laughs softly, patting the top of Shion's hand, "Bad at making things or not, you will do better than me when it comes to many of those things. Like anything involving writing, for example."

There is a moment of silence as Ignis realizes where Shion's question is likely going and wonders why he didn't think of it himself, "I brought as many of the trees back as I could and I've been saving the pits of the fruit I've used."

He hated having to leave any of the trees on the island as it crumbled, but there was no way they could have moved the older and more established ones. They wouldn't have survived.

"I think Soma would love having a tree planted in his honor."

And perhaps as they work on plans for the rest of the memorial, Ignis will relax enough to start speaking about the other things on his mind.

"Oh we can plant one from the pits." He smiled, a tree would be a good memorial. Especially if Soma had been one of the people to discover the apricot trees in the first place.

"Do you want to get a couple and we can go over to the temple." He had left some basic supplies, coconut shells and sea shells mostly over at the garden so people could create their own memorials.

He stood up, running through what he knew of apricots. The seads were stored in the pit and so they would have to crack them open. Apart from that they could probably just plant it and hope for the best, apricots grew best in warm conditions and the islands were definitely warm.

"Are you certain you have time?" Of course, Ignis knows the answer to that question almost before it leaves his mouth since Shion is already standing. He follows suit, brushing the dust from the floor off his pants before continuing, "I've already removed the seeds from some of the pits. It seemed like the logical thing to do aside from keeping them dry and in a dark place. I'm afraid I don't know a whole lot about raising fruit trees beyond that."

Coffee. He knows about raising coffee, but fruit trees are a far cry from coffee plants.

"Give me just a moment and we can head over," Ignis disappears behind one of the partially made walls, returning a few moments later with one of his pouches and a few digging 'tools' in hand. "Shall we?"

If he had already removed the seeds then that was the first stage done already. It was good to know that Ignis knew at least a little of what to do.

"I know the theory at least." But he had never actually planted things before now, he wasn't finding it too difficult but a lot of it was trial and error, especially since they were limited on resources and tools.

He waited for Ignis to return and then turned to leave the hut. He didn't even answer Ignis question about time, of course he had time to help Ignis with this.

As they walked towards the mana pool he tilted his head at Ignis. "Do you really think love is a selfish thing?"

It was what he had said, but it seemed strange to Shion that love could be seen as negative.

Pouch settled around his waist and digging implements in hand, Ignis follows behind Shion as they head toward the mana pool. His footsteps falter slightly, though, when he asks his question.

"I suppose it sounds foolish when you say it like that," he presses his lips together for a moment in thought, footsteps smoothing again. "I used to think anything that pulled my attention away from my duty was selfish. I told the king I would take care of and guide Noctis when I was six. I swore it again later when I was much older and the king asked not as the king, but as a father. Noctis is like a brother to me; a brother with a heavy fate not of his choosing weighing on his shoulders. How could I give anything less than everything to him?"

"My views on that changed thanks to Soma, as we discussed. I'm still trying to sort it all out, but I'm pretty sure I had it all backwards. As intelligent as I am and as much as I've had the opportunity to learn, emotions still boggle me."

"Not foolish." It was a murmer, he hadn't meant to suggest that he was critising Ignis at all. He listened though, he couldn't imagine having a duty so all encompasing. To swear such an oath when he was only six. That was a very selfless act.

When Shion had been six he had been in the special program four years, already learning. Already an elite and ignoring the suffering of others.

"Emotions are complicated..." That was an understatement. "But they... Where I come from love wasn't considered...

Emotions are just electrical signals in the mind. Nothing more than that. Certain stimuli trigger certain reactions and that is all there is to it. People were encouraged to procreate, the government didn't care if it was in a lab or by having sex. They didn't even discourage families. But love was... it's not logical or scientiic. Even love for your family was not encourged. Romantic love..." He shook his head.

"It's part of being human I think."

"It can't be controlled. That is why there are those who would discourage it completely," Ignis pauses a moment as something clicks together in his mind. "Your home... They wanted to use you like tools, and they needed to be able to control you as well. Am I right?"

He has to hold back a shiver. While he still doesn't know all the details of what Prompto found out when he was on his own, Shion's description makes him think far too much of all the terrible things that happened in Niflheim. Was it that kind of thinking that lead the Emperor and his men to doing all they did? Ardyn's never been shy about admitting he no longer understands love; he been even more persistent about the fact he can no longer feel it. It's safer that way. More in control.

But, it's empty as well. So very empty.

Shion nodded, before remembering that Ignis couldn't see him nod, "Yes... It was a perfect city. Anything outside of their control was... disappeared."

Killed mostly but not always. Rat was proof of that. Shion was proof of that. They have gotten closer to the mana pool and Shion quickly plucks two flowers, handing one over to Ignis.

Magically transporting pools that used flowers as some kind of energy were on the very long list of things that probably meant they weren't real. They made no sense. But they were useful.

"You love Gladio? And Ardyn?" At the same time? It's a jump backwards in conversation, but Ignis had said so much that talking things through piece by piece was the best way to unpack everything Ignis had said.

"Disappeared," Ignis repeats the word with a disgusted tone. It doesn't take a genius to know what that really means. He's about to comment on that when Shion abruptly pulls the topic of conversation away from himself and back to Ignis. Honestly, Ignis is a little disappointed by this as he would like to know more about his friend's background--bad as it may be. Maybe they can get back to it later.

He takes the flower offered to him, and once they have both arrived on the other side of the mana pool, answers Shion's question.

"I do. Ardyn was unplanned, a difficult journey that may grow even more so before ultimately ending in sadness, but that doesn't change how I feel about him. Gladio..." Ignis trails off for a moment before laughing softly. "Gladio I think I may have loved most of my life and just didn't realize it. We are two parts of a set. I will admit, this is likely by design. We balance each other's flaws and make each other stronger. A relationship that is most certainly beneficial to the one we serve."

"I think what wasn't planned was just how deep the bond goes. How strong and lasting it is. At least," for just a moment Ignis looks a little guilty, "when we are communicating. Gladio tells me that didn't happen during the darkness and I ended up hurting him a great deal. I can only hope that what I give to him now helps to heal some of those wounds."

So he did. That was... Shion hadn't known it possible, but he was the first to admit that he knew very little about love.

After all he could love many people and consider them family so perhaps romantic love could be bigger than for just one person.

Ardyn was a love that would ultimately end in sadness, but that didn't change how he felt. Shion understood that, very well.

But during the darkness? The way Ignis spoke it sounded like something Gladio knew and Ignis didn't...

"The darkness... Is that something that happened on Gladio's world but not on yours? Or not yet at least..."

"Ah, apologies. It's something that hasn't happened yet. The time Gladio comes from is ten years in the future for me. When you look at those from my world," his voice softens slightly and gains a sad tone, "I'm the farthest in the past. I've learned so much, so much that could save so many lives, and I have no idea if I will ever be able to use any of it."

It's so frustrating. Especially when one of those lives saved could be Noctis'.

He suddenly stops walking and gives Shion a curious look, "Do you think it strange I've fallen in love with two men from so far in my future? They are the people I know from my time, yet they are also not."

He shook his head, he didn't think it was strange at all. Even if Gladio and Ardyn came from a slightly different version of Ignis' world it was not too strange that Ignis loved them.

"You already said that you think you have always loved Gladio, the one from your world and so here... where you... things are different." He still knows very little about Ignis' world. But Ignis had already said that he had seen anything that wasn't helping Noctis as selfish.

Here he could act more freely and so when this Gladio turned up it was not surprising that Ignis had fallen in love.

"Here you can just be... you are able to aknowledge those feelings for them."

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*grins* You went and looked up the same stuff I did! LOL

Re: *grins* You went and looked up the same stuff I did! LOL

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grins You went and looked up the same stuff I did! LOL

Re: grins You went and looked up the same stuff I did! LOL